Two years and counting and I still don't understand my rights...

Ok - so I have a pension with my company; and I just looked at my "pension calculator" website to see what my monthly retirement benefits look like. Unfortunately, they have me listed as "single." Whoops. I've been married for 2 happy years.

WTF? Fortunately, there was a place on the website where I could check to see what would happen to my benefits if I were married. Boom! They almost DOUBLE. Wow. I guess it's important to have them straighten their records out.

"I'm sorry sir, that information is provided by your employer and anyway, it's not important until you start actually drawing on the benefits. When you file for your benefit withdrawal, you'll show proof of marriage and everything will be calculated on that basis." <-- This is what they told me on the phone. Um. Ok.

So I posed a question: What if my marriage is legally recognized in California, but not recognized by the federal government? After a few startled and confused minutes, the guy I was talking to asked to be excused from the phone so he could ask his supervisor.

After waiting for five or ten minutes, he came back on the phone with supervisor in tow and asked that I explain the question again so the supervisor could hear. I said, "What happens to my benefits if the State of California recognizes my marriage, but the United States Federal government does not?" This is just about as simple as I think I can say it...

The supervisor assured me that my wife would still be able to get benefits under the plan, she would only need to show her marriage certificate. Hmmm.. "What if my wife is my husband and he's not a she, but a he?"

"Well," the supervisor said, "... you wouldn't be married then. I'm not sure if your plan covers domestic partners." ... "No. We're not domestic partners, " I replied, "We are married under California law. Just not married according to the US Government. Is that a problem?"

After like 20 minutes on the phone with these losers, no one could guarantee in writing that my spouse would get the proper benefits. So, I'm now waiting for their legal staff to let me know what would happen.

See? Are you starting to see why this whole bullshit about domestic partners equaling marriage is wrong? The company administering my pension is now allowed to decide whether or not they will pay benefits to my spouse. If my spouse were heterosexual, there would be no issue. THE COMPANY DECIDES. Think about that.